Cast your minds back to last year when Attack on Titan was airing, it was around half way through the season when a photo of an old man in Dot Pixis cosplay was uploaded and the resemblance is nothing but spot on. I am happy to say that this was not a one off occurrence as this awesome man is an actual cosplayer and has recently turned 65 years old.
His name is Tomoaki Kohguchi and has become somewhat of a public figure in the anime community; when he’s not working his day job as a businessman, he’s attending conventions in Japan dressed as characters from various anime including One Piece, Ao No Exorcist and of course his right on the nose Master Rochi from Dragon Ball Z. Kohguchi is also a member of the Hiroshima Cosquerade Committee, a group that runs various cosplay events in order to promote Japanese pop culture within the Hiroshima prefecture. You can find out more about the turtle hermit by checking out his twitter or Facebook page, the latter of which has over 39,000 likes.
Let us know what you think about Tomoaki Kohguchi by leaving a comment down below.
Us here at Capsule Computers do our very best to bring you news as it breaks and I’m very excited to relay some news that Namco Bandai games have just begun streaming a brilliant, 13 minute promotional video regarding their upcoming action/brawler title “J-Stars Victory Vs“.
Today we brought you some news of a series of short character-specific trailers that were released for the game but, this time around, we’ve been gifted with an incredible video which showcases each and every one of the 52 characters that are playable as both fighting types or support types within this game. From “Dragon Ball Z” to “Fist Of The North Star”, this video shows everything!
This game is looking absolutely incredible and to be able to see this much of it all in one video is absolutely fantastic! Head down below to our featured video section to watch the “J-Stars Victory Vs.” 13 minute promotional video and don’t forget that it is planned to be released on the PlayStation 3 and PlayStation Vita in Japan on the 19th of March. Enjoy the video!
Hozuki No Reitetsu Episode 9 – The Ultimate Example Of Ruin Through Wine And Women/Awash With Drunks Who Came Home
Another week, another episode and I’m so glad because I cannot get enough of Hozuki No Reitetsu. Welcome back to another installment of Hozuki No Reitetsu Anime Impressions, I hope you’ve all been as excited about this new episode as I have! This week marks the release of Hozuki No Reitetsu episode nine: An episode revolving solely around drinking and the effects it can have on certain people. As Hakutaku tries his hand at out-drinking Hozuki and certain residents of hell start an alcohol-fueled uprising against a mythical monster the audience comes to the realisation that maybe too much of a good thing can actually be pretty bad, even if that good thing is sweet, sweet booze.
The Ultimate Example Of Ruin Through Wine And Women:
You know…sometimes it’s hard being a sex-crazed, conscience-ignoring, party fiend…not that I’d know anything about that. This half of this weeks episode shows us that medicine men like to have a good time too; babes, booze and everything in between, Hakutaku loves it and he’s not going to bring his rock and roll lifestyle to a halt just because he can’t hold his liquor…though it does bug him that Hozuki can drink like a fish.
After one hell of a sex-fuelled night with one of the most beautiful “ladies of the night” working in hell, Hakutaku wakes up to a headache and the same thoughs every occasional overindulger has when waking up from a night on the grog; “I’m never drinking again”. That thought is short-lived though, especially after Momotaro mentions Hozuki and his intolerance the alcohol. “He drinks like a serpent!” Hakutaku says as he makes a mental decision to go and drink with the citizens of hell at a chilled nightspot.
Momotaro, being the kind-hearted worker he is, agrees to tag along with another one of Hakutaku’s silly ventures into hell, luckily “Tao-Taro” (as he’s referred to by Hakutaku) gets along with Hozuki and the gang…though you can’t really say the same about Hakutaku. The rest of the episode has Hozuki and the other-worldly pharmacist go head-to-head verbally as each one tries to outdo the other in some way shape or form. Though I’m not necessarily a fan of Hakutaku , I do actually enjoy the episodes that he’s present in simply because of the way Hozuki acts when he’s around.
It’s like the two characters revert back to children, constantly in competition, constantly butting heads and constantly being told how similar they both are to each other. It’s funny, I’m actually grinning slightly at the simple thought these particular scenes. What’s good is that the series shows all the different sides to its main character; he’s a fairly stoic lead but we’ve practically seen every die of him whether it be his sleepy side, his silly side or his jealous side, we’ve seen it all and some thanks goes to the involvement of Hakutaku who forces him into the more”adolescent Hozuki” situations.
Awash With Drunks Who Came Home:
This half of the episode, though under a different title, continues directly off of the first half. Everyone that was previously drinking in the bar seems to have had their fill, including old King Enma who’s another bourbon and cola away from a non-stop storytelling session regarding his uninteresting grandchildren…King Enma has kids? Who knew! Hozuki is brought news about a somewhat rebellion that has sparked in one of the alcohol-based hells. This one just so happens to be a place where the souls of those who have done wrong while under the influence of alcohol (that’s essentially all of us) are sent and tortured for the rest of infinity.
It’s not that bad of a hell to be honest, they kind of just can’t have alcohol…there’s no physical torture of any kinds. If it was me, I’d just sit back and take it, at least I’m not the guy locked in the iron maiden for eternity. It seems like the caretaker for this particular hell Orochi, an eight-headed snake monster from Japanese mythology, felt like a bit of sake…the only problem is that there’s no alcohol allowed in this part of hell so once the souls of the dead booze-hounds found out…well, let’s just say this particular portion of hell quickly became party central. Hozuki turn up to a horrifying sight; hundreds of drunk people! All in one place! It was like a damn music festival and Hozuki is here to pull the plug and shut it all down.
Once he finishes giving Orochi a lecture about not having alcohol in the area, Hozuki does his best to come up with a plan to teach these souls a lesson they’ll never forget but unfortunately he comes up dry. Hakutaku, who’s slithered in like the nosey snake that he is, makes a deal with Hozuki: He’ll let him in on the plan he’s concocted to torture these euphoric souls but only after Hozuki cuts him a “phat” check that’ll pay for the bill he racked up ordering hookers and buying alcohol. Hozuki accepts and the plan is set in motion: Gives these souls as much booze as they can handle. No! Give them more booze then they can handle! Force them into hating the thing they used to love, it’s a nice throwback to the cliche line a father would say to his son after he finds out he’s been smoking; “You like to smoke? Well here, smoke the whole packet!”, classic!
Hozuki No Reitetsu does one thing so well above all else that it does; it finds a way to take these epic mythological legends and turn them into silly characters that act entirely opposite to their stories. Orochi, a scourge in the world of Japanese mythology, is nothing but a groundskeepers in Hozuki No Reitetsu! One that can’t even do his job right. No one fears him, they simply…”know” him like you would know your neighbour. That’s not just for that particular character either, Hozuki No Reitetsu seems to be able to turn anything into a quirky and super silly version of whatever it used to be. I find it funny considering anime usually does the opposite. Over exaggeration is always present in anime but under exaggeration is something that Hozuki No Reitetsu has over all the rest and, my God, does it do it well!
Check out more Hozuki No Reitetsu impressions HERE.
Over the weekend that just passed, the official site for the upcoming Pokemon X and Yanime movie “The Cocoon of Destruction & Diancie” was updated to include not only an official summary of the story itself but also some information regarding new characters introduced specifically for the film. A few weeks ago we brought you news of the movie and its storyline but at that point in time there had been no official synopsis released, there was only a small explanation that gave us a simplified view of the plotline but that has now changed seeing as an official one has been released.
The Diamond Ore Country is a beautiful land located deep underground, where the “Jewel Pokémon” Carbink live in peace and prosperity. In this country, a giant diamond known as the “Sacred Diamond” can be found. The Sacred Diamond has played the role of an important energy resource throughout the ages. However, the princess of the Diamond Ore Country, Diancie, currently does not possess this power.
Having encountered Satoshi and Pikachu, Diancie sets out on a journey to save her country; a journey in search of the “Life Pokémon” Xerneas, seeking its sacred power. Along the way, Rocket Gang, the thief named Marilyn, and a Ninja thief attack Diancie. Can Diancie save its country? And what is the fate of Satoshi and Pikachu! Along for the journey are the parent-child combo of Milis and Argos,but on the journey, they find a cocoon where the “Destruction Pokémon” Yveltal, which is said to have once eradicated all life in the Kalos region, sleeps…
The brand-new characters Marilyn, Ninja Riot (referred to as “Ninja theif”), Milis and Argos (both of which were not mentioned above) are the four movie-only characters that were revealed alongside the synopsis. Marilyn and Ninja Riot (alongside Team Rocket and Yveltal) will serve as the antagonists of the movie. Marilyn is the owner of a Delphox, Ninja Riot a Greninja and Milis (NOT one of the antagonists) a Chesnaught.
Milis and her father Argos are said to be two characters who will help Ash and co. throughout their adventure with Carbink to save the Diamond Ore Country. A small group four Carbink have also been revealed as characters who will join Ash and their princess Diancie for the movie, they’ve even been named: Daii, Majima, Knight and Joke. Daii is apparently an elder Carbink while the other three are referred to as “butlers” or “subordinates”.
Below we’ve provided a small gallery with images of the newly announced characters for all of you to enjoy. Keep your eyes on the site though because we’ve also caught wind that a new trailer for the movie has been or is soon to be released and I can assure you we will report on it as soon as it drops. For now just enjoy the few images we have.
If you’re a frequent reader of the site you’d know that almost every week the good people over at Namco Bandai games release a bunch of trailers that focus on some of the individual characters of the upcoming action/brawler titles; “J-Stars Victory Vs.“. In the past we’ve seen characters like Goku (DBZ), Seiya (Saint Seiya) and Arale (Dr. Slump) take the spotlight for their very own character trailers.
This time around we’ve been gifted with five character-specific trailers, all of which I’m sure will make fans of Shonen Jump real happy: Medaka Kurokami (Medaka Box), Taro Yamada (Chinyuki Taro to Yukaina Nakama Tachi), Jonathan Joestar (JoJo’s Bizarre Adventure), Meisuke Nueno (Hell Teacher Nube) and Toriko (Toriko) are the five characters spotlighted in the new batch of trailers, all of which can be seen just below this post so head down there now to give them a look and don’t forget; “J-Stars Victory Vs.” comes out in Japan on the 19th of March for the PlayStation 3 and the PlayStation Vita.
Medaka Kurokami (Medaka Box):
Taro Yamada (Chinyuki Taro to Yukaina Nakama Tachi):
This makes three! Last week we brought you some news straight from “David Production” – an animation studio that has recently been working on an anime adaptation of of Horihiko Araki’s long-running Shonen anime “JoJo’s Bizarre Adventure” – in the form of a promotional video focusing on one of the characters from season three of the “JJBA” anime; Muhammed Avdul.
The promo video from last week was the second to be released for the series, the first one revolved solely around an older Joseph Joestar, and are released with the intention of (re)introducing audiences to characters they may or may not have seen in the past in the lead up to the actual release of the series which is set to begin its air on the 4th of April. This week the the video promo centres around a man that goes by the name of “Noriaki Kakyoin”; another one of the main characters within the third season of the “JJBA” series titled “Stardust Crusaders”.
– Hierophant Green –
Much like Jotaro Kujo (the protagonist of “Stardust Crusaders”), Noriaki Kakyoin is a student that has gained the power of an unusual stand. His stand, “Hierophant Green”, allows Kakyoin to fight at a distance. He’s able to control and injure others from remote locations but “Hierophant Green” can also defend him up close if any enemy decides to centre in for a brawl. Within the video we see Jotaro’s first encounter with this seemingly mysterious young man and we also get to see his stand in action for the very first time.
The voice of Noriaki Kakyoin will be provided by a fantastic voice actor called “Daisuke Hirakawa”. Mr. Hirakawa is famous for voice acting in series’ like “Free!”, “No.6”, “Beelzebub”, and so many others. The promo trailer can be seen below in our featured video section so head down there now to check it out.
Keiji Inafune – a God in the world of action/platformer titles and the creator of the legendary “Megaman” series – is a busy, busy man as of late. Not only has he (and his team of developers) been working on the upcoming Megaman successor “Mighty No.9” alongside many other titles like “Yaiba: Ninja Gaiden Z” and “Kaio: King Of Pirates”, he’s now just announced his next side-scrolling title and, this time, it’s coming straight to the 3DS.
– The Azure Striker In Action –
“Azure Striker Gunvolt” puts players in control of a young renegade fighter named “Gunvolt” – a psychic hosting brilliant powers that unfortunately lives in a world where people of his kind (psychic user) are treated as lesser beings. The story follows “Gunvolt” and his comrades as they rise against this oppressive governing force with the hopes of breaking through the social barrier, taking out those who oppress his people and creating a world where each and every individual can live the life every person on this earth has the right to: A life of freedom.
– Game Foes: Daytona and Malec (Click For Larger Image) –
The upcoming title was announced at the BitSummit indie games festival which took place in Kyoto. Fans of Inafune’s work will “mega” excited for this one, as am I. What came with the announcement of the game was an estimated release period, being summer of this year, and a platform, being the Nintendo 3DS. With all the excitement I feel coursing through my veins, I could talk about this all day but I guarantee you’d all rather hear from the man himself: An announcement trailer was also released with Keiji Inafune himself addressing the audience directly, you can see the full trailer in the featured video section below so head down there to check it out. Enjoy! (“Azure Striker Gunvolt” Official Website:Click Here)
Overview Mining is a dangerous line of work. Tunnelling deep underground, devoid of sunlight, of fresh air, of space. Definitely one of the toughest jobs on the planet…especially when that planet is Mars. As if it wasn’t already difficult, the red planet adds the extra obstacle of alien creatures. Dweeling within the very caves you wish to mine, it’s going to be one heck of a battle to make it out with your haul…and your life.
Nowhere to go but down
Story Weclome to Mars. You have been sent here, travelling through the haunting beauty of space for a single purpose: to spend your days underground mining for gems and minerals…so not the most glamorous of missions, but hey work is work. As you carve your way through the bowels of the red planet, certain inconsistencies with the environment reveal that not only are you not alone, you may just be under attack. Not only that, but a few slip ups from your boss reveal that you may just be further away from home than you think. Like, over 100 years further…
Gameplay Unsurprisingly, mining takes a rather central role in Mines of Mars. Viewed from a side on perspective, the environment is divided into squares organised in a randomised pattern, a feature that is really only useful should you desire to begin a new game. Though a majority of the land is nothing more than dirt, there are those few blocks that are just a little more valuable. Those are the ones you want. By mining said blocks you can obtain precious materials that can be used to upgrade the abilities of the intrepid Miner. Without said improvements, your aptitude as a miner will be greatly reduced. For example, failing to upgrade your heat sink will force you to remain at lesser depths, above the more valuable materials.
Upgrades themselves are divided into a few different categories: there’s weapon’s, utilities, armour and tools. Definitely one of the most helpful features of this system is the ability to improve your pickaxe, increasing the speed with which you mine. Which is especially useful as your mines snake deeper and deeper downwards, expanding well beyond the bounds of common sense. Special caution must be taken when mining downwards however, due to the limits of your equipped jetpack. Should you run out of fuel before returning to the portal through which you entered the mine, a type of game over will occur, resulting in the loss of all mineral acquired in your most recent jaunt through the underground. Though apart from that the only real repercussion is having the weird chief insult you, not a big deal. This obstacle may be overcome in a few different ways, the most simple of which is to upgrade the jetpack. Other options include, purchasing portals to set your spawn point deeper underground, focus on the limits of your current flight prowess or simple mine intelligently. But where’s the fun in that?
The perks of being a miner
Most upgrades do however require a tremendous amount of effort to obtain. As minerals and gems are indeed scarce, it can take hours to acquire even the simplest of materials. It’s a luck game really. That being said, each one is definitely worth it, even the ones that don’t outwardly appear to be. The boots for example. The description notes that these shoes will increase both jumping height and running speed, two abilities not inherently useful in the confined spaces of a mine. However, purchasing these will grant access to a second pair of boots with an invaluable skill: gravity manipulation. This allows you to stand on the ceiling and mine upwards. Which, in addition to being awesome, lets you acquire minerals previously missed on the path down. On the topic of clothing, it would also be a good idea to invest in some of the defensive sort, just in case you run into any monsters.
Ah yes, it wouldn’t truly be another planet if the wildlife was not bizarre and out to get you. Though not inherently strong, the more common enemies can become a problem due to the confined spaces of the underground environment. However, they are not the true threat. Should you stumble upon archaic ruins within the bowels of Mars, you may just encounter the true guard dogs of the Martian race. Without proper upgrades, these fights will become exponentially more difficult, resulting in a quick warp to the surface and the loss of on hand materials. Damn.
Well that’s not ominous…
Visuals Mines of Mars definitely has a industrial feel to it’s visual style. On the surface, buildings constructed of various metals stand against the red desert that sprawls behind them. There’s no aesthetic beauty to these structures, presented as forms of necessity above all else. Whenever a service is rendered, these buildings will also hiss steam from various vents, showcasing that they are not the most refined creations. On the other hand, the relics that lie beneath the surface possess an ancient visual style, most often expressed via archaic symbols and monuments. This serves to break up the monotony of dirt and add a sense of excitement to the occasionally tedious task of mining.
To further drive the point that you are no longer on Earth, the bright blue marble hangs in the sky. This is especially noticeable when the game transitions from day to night, as it replaces the moon as the sphere you look up to in the blanket of darkness.
Audio The games introductory cutscene contains a brief narration by the protagonist, lamenting his new assignment. Whilst a good way to begin the game, the Miner’s voice was just a smidge on the side of dull. It was clear that the game was going for the guise of a hardened, morose worker who longs for a better life, but they instead crossed over a line of monotone and into lethargy. That being said, the vocalisation was a nice touch and served to add some sense of personality and past to the protagonist.
Whilst deep within the mantle of Mars, the soundtrack adopts a classic sci-fi feel. Echoing synth notes express both the emptiness of the caverns in which you dig, as well as the fact you are not on Earth. Which is cool. In addition, the echo provides a sense of emptiness, telling of the Miner’s lonely quest through the depths of Mars.
I hope they’re friendly
Overall Mines of Mars is simple in concept and enjoyable in execution. Though mining is by no means a revolutionary concept in the world of gaming, it doesn’t mean that it can’t be interesting. The game does a great job in balancing the environment, making it feel like an achievement whenever you stumble upon a material buried amidst the dirt. That being said, the upgrades do cost a bundle in comparison, requiring you to search a great deal for specific minerals or gems. Combined with the storage space available to you, this results in countless trips to the surface. Of course this means that the further you go down, the furhter you have to go back up. Which can become slightly annoying, especially when your inventory fills up right before you finish depleting a rich vein of ore. Though those are the truths of mining I guess. All in all, Mines of Mars is a fun game that will keep your attention long enough for you to care about creating a powerful Miner and single handedly discover the mysteries that lie below the surface of the red planet. Though a little back-up would be nice every once in a while…
Capsule Computers review guidelines can be found here.
Jormungand Season 1 Studio:White Fox Publisher:FUNimation Release Date: February 18th, 2014 Format: DVD/Blu-Ray Combo Price: $64.98 – Available Here
Overview
With so many anime about everyday life in high schools or being on incredible adventures in different worlds, it is nice to see an interesting change of pace with an anime focused on a barely touched aspect of real life. Jormungand provides just that with the story of an arms dealer and her nine bodyguards, set in as modern a time as any other anime. Certainly an interesting premise, but can the lives of these ten individuals as they go from job to job hold an audiences interest in their work and dealings with rival arms dealers and assassination attempts? Let’s take a look at what the first season has to provide.
Story
Koko Hekmatyar is an arms dealer who was raised for most of her life on a cargo ship by her father, who was also an arms dealer. It however is not the fact that she is a female arms dealer that makes her stand out for an entire anime about her, but the fact that she seeks to bring world peace through arms dealing. To that end, Koko has surrounded herself with the best bodyguards that she can find with former Delta force, Italian Army, Police Sniper, Finnish Rapid Deployment Force, US Army, and several others, but her newest bodyguard takes the cake as a boy soldier.
The nice thing about Jormungand is that it doesn’t focus entirely on just Koko, as the leader she is obviously important, but throughout the series the backstories of some of the different bodyguards are explored. The different characters receive varying amounts of introspection through the first season however, with some characters only expositing their stories to the boy soldier Jonah and others getting almost entire episodes to their past. This isn’t bad either as with 10 major characters there is a lot to learn about any of them and with only 12 episodes, several split between 2 episode arcs, there is not enough time to explore all of them equally, though it does leave plenty of room for the second season to continue this exploration.
Besides just the characters, Jormungand has a fair bit to say about war in the present day as well, though limited to the regions Koko deals arms to, parts of Europe and Africa. The series does a good job of avoiding real names for the war torn countries Koko visits, instead using terms like Country A and Country B to indicate where they are, which is a good tactic that functions well with the series as the same situations come up again and again, so what someone might think of as A and B to represent may be different in 5 or 10 years. Being of course an arms dealer to these kinds of countries, Koko is not meant to look like she’s entirely good, but really just utilizing them as a means to an end for both making money and getting her world peace.
While the series is for the most part mainly one or two episode arcs, this first season does actual have a somewhat connected storyline including a big bad. This is actually quite surprising as more often then not Koko and her guards end up killing anyone that threatens them in that episode, so to see it slowly build over the course of a few of these small arcs is very well done. But, just when the audience thinks everything is nice and neat there is of course a season two.
Visuals
The characters, guns, and locations of Jormungand are all very great looking and even more so for the characters as they actually go about changing their clothes from location to location, so they aren’t all constantly wearing the same outfit every single episode. From mountain tops, to deserts, the attention to realistic detail is certainly impressive and adds to the already genuine feel from the modern setting. The guns and equipment that Koko’s crew uses and sells are also incredibly realistic, all things that can be immediately looked up and see that they look exactly like they do in real life, making for one of the most true to real life anime in terms of looks.
Audio
With such a variety of characters from all around the world, it makes sense that the English dub would go the extra length to try and fit all of these characters with appropriate voices. With the original Japanese the characters all seem like just all very cool tough characters, but with the English there is the extra addition of matching the voice to the character even more. So that it isn’t just a bunch of tough characters, but tough characters that are all distinct enough from each other, which is thankful with a total of 7 tough major male characters.
The music featured in Jormungand certainly fits as well, not only with the use of rock music to work along with the action of the fight scenes, but other types of music to fit the different locations that Koko and her guards travel to around the world. The opening theme “Borderland” by Mami Kawada, does well to matching Koko with its energy and the themes of standing between two worlds, with war zones and civilian life, and never wanting to lose. The ending theme “Ambivalentidea” by yanaginagi, matches much more to Jonah as it is more sorrowful and matches his theme of hating guns, but working with Koko and needing them to protect her and kill those he needs to. Interestingly, Episode 4 has a different ending theme, “Shiroku Yawaraka na Hana” by yanaginagi, that is more of a farewell love song to the antagonists of the arc.
Extras
As a FUNimation release, Jormungand has the standard set of special features with audio commentary with a few members of the cast that gives a little insight into the experience, the trailers for both other shows and the U.S. trailers for Jormungand, and the clean version of the opening theme and both ending themes. There is one unique extra though, that details the casting of each of the more important characters of the series, since the production of the English dub was faster paced than usual.
Overall
There are a lot of things that Jormungand does very right, the characters are all interesting and the music and voice acting is equally well done. The only real problems it has is that 10 major characters is a lot to deal with, especially in 12 episodes, which leaves a lot unexplored in many of Koko’s bodyguards. This being a first season however, that leaves plenty of room to continue with those characters in the next season, but looking at the first season alone it has a lot of potential for all the characters, but chooses to focus on a few. Regardless, Jormungand Season 1 is still a good series that has both interesting characters and great action.
Capsule Computers review guidelines can be found here.
“Trained to kill. Left for dead. Back for more.” Robert Rodriguez’s excursion into exploitation cinema continues with Machete Kills, sequel to Machete (2010), a film based on a long-gestating idea that was originally conceived by the famous director back in 1994 after meeting the eventual star Danny Trejo during pre-production for Desperado (they later discovered they are second cousins!). Cutting together a fake trailer for ‘Machete’, and having it featured ahead of the theatrical release of Grindhouse (2007), fans expressed interest in it becoming its own feature film, and the rest is now history. Machete Kills is the second in a planned trilogy of movies, and is even more ridiculous than the last… but does the lure of seeing Charlie Sheen as President of the United States (that’s right) warrant the purchase of the blu-ray?
“This is Machete” – Cool as a cucumber
Story
“Machete Kills Again… In Space” I expected a preview to precede the film, as is tradition, but that I didn’t expect! Watching the mock trailer for what was formerly titled “Machete Kills Again”, I found myself confused with no prior knowledge of the drastic thematic change… is this a fourth Machete film being planned?! Nope, they’ve just decided to take the final entry of the trilogy into space. Guess that answers the question before it can even be asked: ‘how much crazier can this get?’ Now we have Justin Bieber as a robot named Bleep to look forward to; he gets promptly destroyed by Machete though (yay!). Anyway, Machete Kills then starts with our title character and his beloved Sartana Rivera (Jessica Alba) intercepting a weapons deal between crooked U.S. Military and the Mexican Cartel. As a re-introduction to the outrageous rules and logic of this world (as if the prior-mentioned trailer doesn’t give enough of an indication) the duo – carrying mere pistols – successfully “ambush” 10 soldiers armed with machine guns, all of whom immediately surrender and one of which actually attempts to escape. Of course, the Cartel eventually arrive before yet another faction of men in luchadore masks that remind of Bane from Batman drop in via attack helicopters. Needless to say, all hell breaks loose.
Desdemona (Sofia Vergara) has some… man issues
Amongst the commotion, Machete lops off a few heads (which pop up into the sky, breaking all physics), slices another guy clean in half right down the middle (Mortal Kombat“Fatality!” style) and acts as a conduit in electrocuting a bad guy by grabbing him with one hand, and with the other sticking his namesake weapon into an electrical box. Meanwhile, Sartana uncovers what exactly the army personnel were attempting to sell – a nuclear bomb – and is murdered by the apparent leader of the masked men wielding a… blaster? Let the sci-fi foreshadowing commence! Machete comes back around to find her lifeless body, almost suffering the same fate if not for the imminent arrival of the police. Taken into custody, and accused of Sartana’s murder, Machete is hung by an extremely racist Sheriff Doakes (William Sadler) – who keeps calling him “Taco” – in what is possibly one of my favourite scenes in cinematic history. The stool is kicked out from underneath our protagonist and we see his dangling feet… but when the Sheriff looks up from lighting his cigar, he sees Machete staring right back at him. Taken aback, the Sheriff moves to his left, and after a brief fake-out, Machete’s eyes slowly find him. They say he doesn’t die… “Maybe he’s just got a thick neck is all”. Machete then snarls at him, still hanging, as the President of the United States calls and wants to speak to, you guessed it, our man Machete. Doakes shoots him down and Machete shrugs it off, answering the call. How much more bad-ass can you be?!
Amber Heard as Blanca Vasquez (Machete’s handler) speaks quite fluent Spanish in the film
A meeting is set-up, with the unlikely pairing of cult icon Danny Trejo and the insanely infamous Charlie Sheen (credited under his birth name, Carlos Estevez) playing out before our eyes. President Rathcock (yep, that’s his name all right) offers Machete U.S. citizenship if he eliminates the psychopathic revolutionary Marcos Mendez (Demián Bichir), who is threatening to fire a nuclear missile at Washington, D.C. if the American government refuses to invade Mexico, stop the cartels and save its government from corruption. Machete’s acceptance leads him on a quest to bring Mendez – who has had the trigger to the nuke wired to his heart – over the border whilst protecting himself and the bi-polar Mendez from a hit put on both their heads. Walton Goggins, Cuba Gooding Jr., Lady Gaga and Antonio Banderas each take turns in embodying La Camaleón, a face-changing assassin (what else is Cuba doing these days?), but it’s Mel Gibson as the visionary Star Wars fan Voz who takes most of the spotlight, and is our connection to Machete venturing into the blackness of space. It’s all one hell of a ride, packed with clones, wacky characters and kills that, again, would fit in any Mortal Kombat video game. Machete throws a guy’s intestines into a helicopter rotor, which pulls him in and slices him into a red mist! Does it make any sense? No, but that’s why it’s so brilliant!
Visuals & Audio
Machete Kills‘ 1080p/AVC-encoded transfer looks great, with no noticeable blemishes or flaws present. The film itself is frequently drenched in a warm palette of mixed shades of yellow, with strong contrast levels. Noticeable by comparison to its predecessor is a more subtle use of film grain, barely even visible in many scenes. In fact, on a whole, Rodriguez has reigned himself in with regards to utilising faux print damage effects, although they were still heaped on heavily during the “prevues of coming attractions” that plays before the film begins. Instead, more of a focus is placed on the hilariously “bad” CGI and chroma keying. The DTS-HD Master Audio 5.1 track is clear and crisp, adding a certain weight and impact to proceedings. Being an action-packed film, the score is aptly dramatic, except for the moments where Machete “gets busy”… in which case the classic “bow chicka bow wow” 70’s porno music plays on cue. Sound effects, such as for the numerous disembowelments, are signaturely hyperbolised, much like every other element of the movie.
Shoots bullets from her bra and has a “strap-on” gun she fires by thrusting her hips
Overall
Machete Kills takes the stupidity to a whole ‘nother level, but that is said with the best regards imaginable. Grindhouse theater is a genre in and of itself, and one that many do not understand. For those who feel they fall into that category, I don’t see a point in recommending films like Machete Kills to you with hopes that you will miraculously “get it” – we all have different senses of humour (“Machete loves everybody”). I am disappointed to not see any special features on this blu-ray release, however it is also set at a lower than standard price point for the format, which softens said disappointment. Regardless, the purposely schlocky, over-the-top, cheesy nature of these throwbacks are what make them entertaining, and if you’re like me, you enjoyed the first film and will definitely have an appreciation for the exploitative, gory, ludicrous B-Movie homage that Machete Killsis.
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