Both Kirito and Haseo are characters from stories that involve MMORPGs (Sword Art Online and .hack//, respectively), but what makes these two particularly similar (and great for this type of list) is that they both have very similar characteristics and stories. For instance, both characters are black garbed, both have lost a loved one and both primarily use multiple weapons. There are a bunch of other similarities between the characters, but this is not a list about those.

This list chronicles why it is that Kirito sucks in comparison to the superior Haseo character. Read on to find out why that is.

1. Of both multi-weapon users, Haseo has many more weapons.

At a glance, you may think that I have selected this category because Haseo has two weapons from the get-go. However, this is not the case. Any .hack// fan or even anyone that’s played the games will be able to tell you that despite the weapon looking like two daggers, it is essentially one item. This means that it is considered the same weapon regardless of which weapon hits.

However, as you learn throughout the Sword Art Online storyline, Kirito is actually a special kind of user able to use multiple weapons. This puts Kirito at an advantage until you realise what Haseo’s class actually is. He’s something called an Adept Rogue, and as such, is able to switch between the weapon types of different classes but can never use them as effectively as that actual class itself.

So, from a sheer firepower perspective, Haseo is essentially able to switch out to any weapon that he has learned to use in relation to the needs of the battle. However, Kirito is stuck with his dual over-powered swords obtained through luck.

Let’s say that hypothetically both characters were to fight with only weapons and no special abilities. Haseo would be able to wipe Kirito easily, just based on the fact of having a wide array of weapons at his disposal. Even if Haseo were not to use enchanted, Epic, or what have you weapons, he would still be at a distinct advantage.

Also, being able to switch between daggers, swords, scythes, chainswords, guns and more is way more cooler than just having two swords of any rarity. When in doubt, rule of cool.

2. Haseo’s “edgy” look is edgier than Kirito’s.

Edgy is one of those buzzwords that Anime fans like to throw around to indicate that a character is trying to be different by dressing in a cold or dark manner. This is usually thrown around in jest because, really, every character that tries to look edgy ends up dressing in a similar manner and it’s not actually edgy.

However for this comparison, I have taken to using this definition of the term:

• nervous, apprehensive; : creatively challenging; cutting edge; leading edge; : on the edge between acceptable and offensive; pushing the boundaries of good taste; dodgy

en.wiktionary.org/wiki/edgy

As we can see (refer to the top image), both Kirito(left), and Haseo(right), dress in a manner that fits this definition quite accurately. However, Haseo is dressed far more edgy than Kirito for a number of reasons. The most important of these reasons is that Haseo’s wardrobe actually changes in a way that is more than slightly.

What I mean here is that throughout the games, the anime series and the movie, you see Haseo go through a number of different outfits. At one point, his outfit is so edgy that he literally looks like he’s wearing the skin of some kind satanic demon rather than any kind of clothing. How is that for maximum edginess? What’s Kirito got? Fabric? Fairy wings (that every other character has)? The same design just reworked slightly?

He has nothing on Haseo in the department of edginess and this is one of the reasons why Haseo is greater than Kirito. So therefore, if Haseo is greater than Kirito in edginess, then Kirito must suck at being edgy in comparison to Haseo.

3. In reference to the aftermath of a coma, Haseo had it much worse.

So we remember in .hack//SIGN that character Sora and how he was killed off towards the end of the series? Well it turns out that he is actually the same person that plays the character of Haseo in .hack//G.U. So make this a little more clear, the same person that plays the character of Sora in the games canon is the same individual that plays the character Haseo in the games canon. So In the first version of [The World] Haseo was the character Sora and in the second version of [The World], [The World: R2], Sora plays the character of Haseo.

Anyway, as we know, both characters were placed into a coma during each of their respective storylines. In Kirito’s story, while he was comatose, he got to have fun and go on magical adventures where every girl in the game wanted to put his penis into her mouth. But for Sora, he didn’t get that at all. Or if he did, there’d be no way he’d be able to remember it.

You see, while Kirito was out there having fun and banging Asuna, Haseo was busy recovering from a traumatic attack that left him with no memories of his past life. So picture this, on one hand, you have a character who’s life has been filled with tapping-booty and on the other you have a character with no memories. Which one would you rather be? You picked Kirito right? I thought so.

Even though Haseo lost all of his memories, even though he could no longer even recall what memories he had, he still stayed the same person. He even went for a similar look to his previous character, he was still getting all the girls and he was still kind of a douche.

What’d Kirito go through to become cool? Oh that’s right, nothing. If anyone is cooler than Kirito for being in a coma, it’s Haseo.

4. One character killed a guild and murdered an admin to free a girl, one player killed many hundreds of players daily and worked alongside admins to save another.

On the Sword Art Online side of things, we have this guy Kirito and he seems like a pretty cool guy. That’s until you hear about his reputation, anyway. He’s kind of out-casted by the society within the game for using many game altering potential hacks and even withholding life saving information gained from the exclusive Beta test that he was a part of. This labelled him as a “Beater”, which is an amalgamation of beta-tester and cheater. Who would want to be friends with anyone that uses hacks and would keep life saving information away from you? Heck, at one point he gets an entire guild killed because he didn’t want to be outed as the douche that he so sorely is.

On the .hack// side of things, we have Haseo. He seems like a bit of a douche until you hear about his exploits in the game. I don’t mean technical exploits either, for while Kirito was busy using game breaking systems, Haseo was doing things based on his skills alone. Do you know how earlier I was saying that Kirito gets an entire guild killed because of his insecurities? Well, Haseo kills an entire guild of Player Killers in one massive battle. That guild? It had over 100 members. If that wasn’t badass enough, this was only one battle of this type and his reputation as the most skillful Player Killer Killer in the game leads us to believe that he has done this before.

Even further, both players had the attention of the admins of either game. In Sword Art Online, the creator of the game, “Kayaba”, had his eyes on Kirito for his special game breaking dual-wielding abilities. Kayaba was also the mastermind behind putting all the players in a comatose state in Sword Art Online. Considering that Kirito had a power that could rival his, he had to have him killed. However, things don’t go as planned when Kirito, using the power of love, once again hacks and breaks the game causing Kayaba to be defeated and enabling Kirito to return to the real world with the rest of the surviving players. This scene, though, is not the one I was thinking of when I added this section. I was thinking of how, once again, Kirito uses the power of love to hack into an unopenable door thanks to more hacks and then he hacks his way up into his girlfriends room with hacks and then in a sword fight against the new bad-guy who’s name I don’t remember, he hacks some more and becomes the uber-hack before killing the villain in the most cliche’d edgy moment ever.

Haseo on the other hand was being watched by the games admins because his character was one of a few that could summon parts of the games code called phases. These phases were once part of the Morganna system, but considering that was destroyed with the previous part of the world, these phases became avatars that players could summon to assist in the battle against system bugs known as AIDA. This makes Haseo cooler because his modifications are system sanctioned and are used to save his beloved in a legitimate and fair manner. Kirito breaks things to win, Haseo wins fair and square.

5. Haseo went from zero to hero not just once, but twice. Kirito had to have his stats carried over to win.

Here I’m referring to the events that take place in the early parts of .hack//G.U. (and late in .hack//ROOTS) and in the middle of Sword Art Online. Kirito is simply not as cool as Haseo because, once again, he uses cheats and hacks in order to be the hero that everyone wants to fellate; even his own sister! It’s okay though because she’s really only just her cousin. However, Haseo not only maxes out his character, but due to a run in with a vagrant program, he has his stats completely wiped, thus making him have to start right from the beginning in order to save his love interest Shino.

This means that Haseo has to max out his character again, which he does, which goes to show how much it is that he really cares for Shino. Compare this to have-a-hack Kirito, who never has to go through any bullshit in order to get all the women hanging off his penis, and always starts at maximum stats. Who would you root for? The lazy-ass that just turns up on the day, or the guy that’s been training for years, only to have to train for years again?

I’ve got my money on Haseo, simply because, anyone that has to undergo all that training only to lose it all and then goes through it again, is someone that not only has the skills but also the determination to get things done. This is why Kirito is not as cool as Haseo, he’s a lazy cheater. Haseo on the other hand. Well? He’s the real deal.