Developer: Double Tap
Released: July 1, 2010
I am not a fan of professional wrestling. Because I would like to assume that you people have some semblance of respect for me, I’ll just go ahead and pretend that you already knew that. So when I was approached to review TNA Impact: Cross the Line I was a bit hesitant. Then I recalled that I owe Capsule Computers a favor, and grudgingly began playing. As it turns out, I was right to do so only grudgingly, because the game was heinous to play. Perhaps to a die-hard TNA fan the game would be entertaining, but to someone with no interest in or knowledge of the back-stories, feuds, and tribulations of any of these muscle-bound Neanderthals, the game is simply tedious and mind-numbing.
Imagine, if you will, a decent fighting game, to the tune of Soul Calibur or Mortal Kombat. Now forget the fancy weapons and spectacular decapitations, you don’t need them in a good fighting game. Now you’re down to a bare-bones “punch the other dude a bunch of times until he begins to hemorrhage,” kind of game. Still, decent. Now remove any and all variation in the moves. Now when you punch, you look like a Rock ’em Sock ’em Robot, performing the same exact motions over and over again. Now remove decent character modeling. Now remove even okay script writing. Now apply several hours worth of blunt-force trauma to your cranium. You have now have an accurate understanding of this game.
During my first fight (I, of course, chose Hulk Hogan to play as), I discovered that the only thing required to beat the opponent was to knock them over and repeatedly stomp on them while they were down. After I beat him, I thought, “Wow. That was simple. Of course, the fights won’t stay this easy.”
I was wrong. It did indeed stay that easy. I retained my ability to simply power-stomp my opponents until I won. I didn’t make it all the way through the campaign, but I don’t think that’s really a surprise. I was getting really bored with stomping. Then I discovered that the “Exhibition Matches” were just one-offs; they didn’t have any so-called “plot” in between the fights. This was a vast improvement, because the dialogue between the opponents before each bout that took the place of narrative was about as well written as a Stephenie Meyer novel.
Eventually, the boredom of winning became overwhelming, and I forced myself to take other routes to success than simply curb-stomping my opponents. I tried out the grapple system, just to see how it was. Like the rest of the game, it was rather poorly made, to say the least. In order to perform a grapple, you hit the button, and your character moves in for the choke, or whatever hold he happens to be performing. Then, to complete the move, you tap numbers in sequential order on the touch screen. Now here’s the problem with this: The using the stylus and playing the actual game are pretty much mutually exclusive. In fact, it’s damn irritating to try and move quickly from a two-handed gaming position, to a stylus gaming position, all in the space of about half a second. After several attempts, I quit trying.
All in all, I can’t find any redeeming qualities for this game. Honestly. Not a single one. It is one of the most boring, un-fun, and just plain awful games it has ever been my displeasure to play.
How about a short summery of what makes this game… what it is.
- The graphics
- It’s “story”
- The control scheme
- The dialogue
- Everything else
- Um… it… technically fits the description of a game?
I can’t give it the lowest score possible, because as much as I dislike this game, it’s still not the worst game I ever played.